The two sides of my English experience

Disclaimer: This article is titled "The two sides of English experience" but it could also be titled "An apology to my parents and sisters|.

Back in the year 1999 I was sitting on a KLM flight headed to the UK. Our family was on our first and only international trip together. My dad used to teach at a Christian university in Oxford. This year he decided to take the whole family with him for a break. It was a summer holiday that lasted a month. One that he and my mum had planned and saved up for. I was nineteen at the time and was being a classic teenager. We arrived in the UK and had friends pick us from Heathrow and drive us straight to this beautiful house in Oxford where we would be based for the trip. Oxford is a student town with a lot of international students. For this reason, in the summer when all the students have gone home for the holidays, it becomes a much quieter town. I had silly reasons to be missing home and even sillier reasons to be a sulky teenager that pretty much ruined the whole trip for everyone. All my reasons were self-centered and based on what I wished I could do or see and my own expectations of a foreign trip (like many teenage boys some of the reasons had to do with pretty girls).

I sulked a lot and spent hours watching Fraiser on TV because I had decided the countryside, walks by the river and strawberry picking were all not things acceptable for a “man of my age”. I kept harping on about how Oxford was too quiet and quaint and how I liked London because it was noisy and more city-like. I told everyone of how I liked the city life and the reason for my sulking was because I don’t like nature and country sides that much (all of which were manufactured silly excuses). Looking back I can see how my poor dad and mum really tried their best to make it fun. My sisters had a wonderful holiday and were quick to dismiss my stupid behavior and not let it ruin their own experiences.

Fast forward nearly decade to 2008 and I was sitting on a Virgin Atlantic flight to the UK all over again. This time I had an engagement ring tucked away in my suitcase and I was headed to meet this wonderful girl who, ironically lived out in the British countryside. This second trip lasted a month as well and the experience was completely different. I loved the long walks and the quiet countryside. We even went to Oxford and walked by the river and the strawberry fields. In the years that followed there were a few more trips with each of them being absolutely delightful experiences.

Fast forward over a decade again to the year 2020 and I was sitting on another Virgin Atlantic flight headed to the UK. This time somewhere in the baggage area of the aircraft were my two suitcases into which I had managed to pack my life from Delhi. I arrived here in December of 2020 and this time the trip was going to be more than a month because now my little family had moved to the UK. Not only did we move to the UK, but we moved to a small town in the rural British countryside. I am enjoying the walks in the green woods and the ability to hear myself think while also hearing the chirping birds in our little garden.

 What changed? The simple mind would say “oh you fell in love with someone and so your perceptions changed.” The slightly more thought through answer might say “O you grew older and so your taste for the slower countryside became greater than your love for the fast paced city life.”

 I however would not accept these simple answers. I did fall in love with Emily but anyone who knows me even a little bit would tell you how deeply and passionately I love my parents and my sisters . As for city versus countryside – well I love the fast paced city life and I miss it dearly. It has not diminished in any way. 

No, it is neither of these reasons. I would have to humbly say the difference in the experiences was my own selfish heart. The first trip I was selfish and self-centered and I had decided very early on that this trip was not up to my expectations and had inconveniently gotten in the way of my teenage crush on a girl back in Delhi at the time. My own self was the most important and I didn’t spend a moment noticing how I ruined it for everyone else and myself. 

The next trips to England I actually and actively chose to enjoy the company of those I was with. It was not about me it was about them. When I did that I learned about them and so much about everything else. When the focus was not me everything else became more beautiful and enjoyable.

I have found this same principle at work in my workplaces, in my marriage and in all my other relationships as well. Each time I have made these things about myself it has resulted in deep dissatisfaction, disappointment and teenage like sulkiness. But when I choose to not be self-centered there is beauty and joy all over again.

As my faith has grown I have also realised the profound privilege that I have as a follower of Jesus. That privilege of taking my eyes of myself and fixing them on Him. The bible calls us to do exactly that in Colossians 3 and Hebrews 12. He is the author of creation and hence the author of beauty. Every beautiful sunset and every song of a bird are reminders of the majestic creativity and beauty of my Lord. As I grew in my faith this ability to fix my eyes on Him allowed me to see beauty in places that I might have otherwise missed. More importantly this fixing of my eyes on Him has allowed me to see beauty in people that I would have otherwise totally overlooked, choosing instead to fixate on their shortcomings. This undeserved privilege that He gives fills my life with wonder, gratitude, mirth, joy, laughter, appreciation, lightness of heart and continually moves me far away from the sulky teenager roaming the streets of Oxford in 1999.

 

Ps: The title should have really been the two sides of me instead of the two sides of my English experience.

 

Pps: Yes I know I can never apologise enough for ruining the only international trip our family ever had together.